13 years

Beloved daughter mine
Like wildfire your first breath ignited my mama ness
Like wildflowers you blossom without shy boundaries or pruning
Like sunrise you bravely wake to each new day
Like joy unbound I cherish you and pray you keep growing strong and kind
Beloved daughter mine

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Mama love x

  
Dear Mama dear Mother dear Mum

My Mother my first companion
Mother my dearest friend

Mother feet ever walking 

Steady footsteps heartbeat of your journey

Mother of my heart

Mother of my soul

You have given me love and life to make me whole

Mother hands I see always strong and tender

Making strumming playing planting carrying loving curing weaving healing winding spinning soothing calling calming

Mama makes life and soft wool to shawl it in

Mama is there and here and listening and singing

Mother is mama mamala mum music

Patient boulder of kindness

Trustful quiet tide

Love as simple as the sky

Tolerant as the stones on the shore

Strong and brave as the storm winds 

Gentle as the birds flight

Musical soundtrack of my childhood 

Quirky and generous uniquely you

Mother of my heart mother of my soul

You have given me love and life to make me whole

My world is a beautiful place with you in it x


 

 a first day. surprising happiness.

The first day of both children at school spanning before me And I don’t have to drive the 50km round trip, and I fulfilled my promise I would swim in the river and then be home all day and read in bed in the morning and try to nap and refill after staying awake way too often since we returned from Tasmania, unable to unwind with all the transition and change and shifting happening in and around me at this time. Life is looking so different and I’m facing such new possibilities and being pushed towards things I never thought I wanted and here I am home alone for hours. 3.5 more self directed hours. I promised myself a day of following my whims and going gently towards what I wished to  while also planning to taking care of a couple of  household needs and making some dinner too so I could Just  hang out with the children when they return and you know do some washing and mow some grass and vaccumn and maybe have a good long talk with my mama And talk about parenting the adolescent  And wonder what the new phase brings and what shall I do now, just like so many parents around the country this week who choose school for their kids and have sent off their littlest one, hopefully I will cherish a few moments in between productivity and work to just be me and feel so grateful for this day,

and then without planning it, I had a surprising  piece of fun when I followed a lesson from great storytelling teacher Justus Neumann at the Tasmanian circus festival and allowed the words to bubble out spontaneously and fast and follow them without a thought and write them down, instead of listening to them babble on while I wanted to nap and there, in it, was the sweetest reminder of how fun it is for me to write and play with words and see what untamed combinations of verbs want to play with me without fear and inhibition, And the effervescent chuckles that land on my tongue when I’m really having some of the quiet wordy solo type of fun and how balanced I feel and contented afterwards.

So here is my fun, lightly edited as computers come up with the most profoundly amusing types of word suggests when you type so fast ones keypad can no longer spell, spell checked and not for judgement, just for fun and to share a bit of my fun because not everyone’s fun looks the same but maybe my fun will connect to your fun or maybe your fun will respond to my fun or maybe not but you’ll think about fun and what you’ve done just for fun just for You todayand maybe I will hold this reminder of fun as what brings me a slice of happiness pie. Fun!

I began with a phrase I’d created spontaneously in the workshop with Justus. By the way Tassi Circus Festival was really fun! More another day!

  

The child blew away, the child blew away that day

 And left Behind was a husk of crisp leaves and stick and stones and dry earth bones and the query of where in the sky do you go when you die as who you used to know

When the wind blows and blows and you want to go go go go go

up there it was so blue 

Blue blue Blue Azure cerulean heraldic blue

Like an eye like the depth of a lovers eye where you can melt and join and drift and rise lightly like A balloon set free from a small fist without a cry

The child blew away and I was the child too and I lifted up into the sky and was immaculately free

To be me and to see with such vast all seeing eyes what had been revealed just for my sight 

That inside, the child had blown away and without her I was a dry crispy husk of leaves and dry parched earthen bones and that

With only stones I was no fun and that my joy to live and caress life with my gift of creativity and sight had left me high and dry

Like a ship with no sails and only seagulls on the gunwales and seagulls are not patient by nature and squawk like a nagging sagging fish wife and that was what a slice had become of my precious life when. I let my child blow away, always it was a contrast of being freed and being me and being dreamy and high but I was left with only the fishwife who knew not what it was to be light and blow with life and find the heart in all matters and people fun and to be poked and poke fun and revel in the disturbances of living and think of more than . Which fish needs to be scaled or which mountain needs to be nailed or which duty needs to be mailed

Because the joy and the flight was up up up in the blue blue blue and the child was where the happiness flew and the child needed the big child that was Me to hold her hand and . Guide her across the land of living and being me but she so needed it also to be one of the many faces to see to have fun you see you see to have fun like a child unaware like a child without a care like a child who is truly there present truly there in the moment and not thinking if she’ll be liked or lied to but just there in the moment to be and have fun freely and be safely held and sheltered and trust the wind

And so when we blew away it wasn’t whinging id left my shoes at home, it was with the beautiful trust that I as mother was there holding the string that joined my soul to the earth and in my great knowing pocket was everything i ever needed to fly.

Roselinde

PS what are you doing for fun?

Spookiest to the punctuation prefects. (Read; Apologies, see isn’t it fun what the computer auto suggests…) 

The BlueForest (Blueberries in the BlackForest) or When nothing goes right, go left.

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This fellows shirt said it for me!(apologies I don’t remember your name….if ever you see this post, email me!) 

It’s taken me a while to pull this story together because some days are painful and ugly and Who wants to hear about that right?.  Even when I awoke that day  determined to be optimistic and cruisy, my effort does not stand up to the challenges of the day. A story about needing to go left. When the small things in life are not going right! And trying to maintain humour and gentleness amidst trials. The blessing is that all things pass and I’ve learnt to just hang in there, do what I can, drop what I can and tomorrow is new.

Many days ago now, We left Switzerland on another stinking hot day. Paused in Basel to busk (unsuccessfully), parking was very hard to find but we ended up near the river so kids and I could swim, by stalking a shady parking spot . The water was gratefully crisp enough! I heard later that even 15 years ago the Rhine was too polluted to swim, now it’s very popular with people dipping and floating along.

We where right by the historic bridge which is beautiful and in the distance could spot the spires of the cathedral and old city. It was strange to be looking at buildings with barely a gap between, facing the rivers edge. I guess the parks are elsewhere. I really wanted to go to the old Paper Mill museum but it was just too hot to walk around. I felt thwarted in my educational efforts and bizarre to come all this way and not be able to do more than keep sane and do nothing really. Have I mentioned yet my family calls me a grumpy polar bear when it’s hot? Hot hot. Im not averse to a bit of whinging about the heat… Really it’s such middle class western  luxury to have the options we do and I’m very grateful.

We pulled into Freiburg late that evening after a disappointing detour past Bad Bellingen (should’ve realised by the name!) bad means bath in German.  I was hoping for some natural place to bathe but it’s a turquoise pool set up. There’s a lot more happening in the Australian Bellingen! Lovely in winter I guess. 

Anyway, disorganised, tired and hot, past dinner time, we got busted for jumping on the tram without tickets! We didn’t want to miss it and wait longer to get to some dinner! They showed us how to function the in tram ticket machine and let us off thankfully! Ignorant travellers I guess. I get anxious in the face of authority and doing something wrong!

A treat to eat out in the old city. Mexican in Germany? Freiburg has a very pretty inner city and good vibes in the evening, lots of people about and delicious foodie smells.

Back to our hot van late to get some rest. Camping in a hot tin can is so difficult!Especially with tired hot kids in the city which does not cool down til dawn. Jesse saved the day by putting their bed outside under a tree and sleeping with them. We found a mobile home campground for 9euro a night near Bissier strasse park and ride. Cheap but noisy from the railway. Thank goodness for earplugs.  The next night was more pleasant at the Hirzberg Campground. It’s 1.2km from the enchanting old City centre. Also green and shady. It can be really tricky coming to a place you don’t know and looking for a place to stay. I ignored my intuition about going straight to the campground the first night unfortunately. 

The next day we met with friends who guided us to nearby lakes and the day was easier. There are a lot of man made lakes along the autobahns, dug out to make the road beds. Another late hot night in the city. Jesse Was busking and we walked in to meet him for dinner. Some moments I am thinking wow this is crazy! Cosmopolitan culture in Europe, dinner at 9 pm and some crazy gigantic ice cream and berry dessert! strolling old cities (600+ year old buildings) balmy summer nights, wonderful and romantic and different if only my inner mama voice could be quiet! My kids where in bed at a wholesome 7.30pm before we left Australia!  This life has such diverse moments. It’s challenging and reallY good also to let the restrictions drop a bit. ItS so temporary. Soon we will be back in home rhythms. I have little resilience for lack of sleep unfortunately. Blessings come though in the form of kind hearted folks and hilarious storytellers in the dark city streets.

From Freiburg we are invited to go berry picking and then swimming in a forest lake higher in the Black Forest mountains. 
Yes please. My days in the city where hot and bothered and I was stretched to breaking. But I hung in there! Not too many tears! Me, not the kids…. But As lily says, ‘it’s not really a holiday because we are doing everyday life. And why can’t we do more holidayish things anyway?’ Memory making.

 My spirit was so renewed by this afternoon tramping the woods and having the warmth of friends. Being outside is my greatest gift at present. Soaking in the different greens of the broad leafed woods and the unfamiliar bird calls and wind whispers and rock songs. It’s fresh and new still and the foreignness leaves me a little thrilled. I really am far far from home. If you have read Ronja by Astrid Lindgren you would see the grey dwarf holes in this wood and Ronja running about and giving her spring yell. 

this handy little rake catches the  blueberries for you, but be careful you don’t strip the leaves off also.    I loved this moment! The papas with their matching picnic baskets! Beautiful masculinity in motion    Cedar said he could stay here forever, well, until it snowed…   There where few berries left and small this season, despite that, the reward of gathering something deliciously tart and sweet from the woods filled me with happiness. It’s so simple.   Tiny finger staining treasures. A worthy hunt! I hear the wild blueberries in the US are enormous! I would like to experience picking there one day…
The lake water is stained amber by leaves and tannins I guess.  The trees surrounding shade the water green. Be brave it’s very cold below the surface! The skin feels soft and wonderful after swimming here.     I was excited to see this small orchid growing in the ditch as we left the forest. Another tiny wonder. 

And thanks goodness we where off to visit dear friends after this. The last challenge of travelling in the unknown was done and from here on we are sheltered by good friends until we fly home. Phew. We did it.

Geometry playground

Class 5 geometry lessons are underway! It’s exciting for me to revisit the beauty and symmetry of compass art, Learning about polygons, prisms, pyramids, solids, quadrilaterals, angles, lines and circle language. I enjoy the artistic focus in presenting this work with Lily through the Waldorf curriculum.

On an adventurous day out recently we were happy to find this playground in a small village. (Neustadt near Metzingen) Soon there where exclamations about how this whole place was framed on polygons, prisms and even a quadrilateral pyramid supporting the tree! We are all looking at the world through geometry glasses now!   
    
    
 

I hunted for four leaf clovers (unsuccessfully) and enjoying watching while the two spent half an hour cleaning the sand out of the water play basins and creating waterfalls. I know Lily gets lonely for friends her own size when we travel and I cherish the richness of her relationship with Cedar and their ability to play together despite 6 years age difference. 

They where really engaged with the water pump and this initiated more conversations about living in historical times, continuing on from visiting Lichtenstein Castle earlier in the day. Shall we detour there right now, it’s a lovely late summer day in Southern Germany….

   
    
    
    We took the tour so we could snoop around inside the castle. I was especially enthralled with the detailed paintings on walls and ceilings. Photographing strictly Verboten! So you will have to go there yourself.

Afterwards we sought out the Easter Egg museum, decorated not chocolate !unfortunatley closed but the glimpse in the door was inspiring for our own Easter festival. After studying ancient Egypt lily was taken with the egyptian artwork eggs in the centre. 

  
 Anyway back to geometry!

We have been playing with toothpicks and modelling clay to create a sample board. It began with lines, which naturally flowed into the exploration of what can you make with lines.   

  glimpses from Lily’s main lesson book.

 It is fascinating the different polygons and patterns which are made when you follow the times table…  
  

Draw a dozen intersecting straight lines, then identify and color the various types of triangles.

Mamas exploration.   Lily’s

  Cedar’s

   
  Practicing rays by imagining starlight that shines on forever.The city map practicing all different types of lines. See if you can spot them!  
    
    
  First freehand circle explorations before introducing the compass.  
    
    Cedar watched the above flower of life developing, later he sat quietly and recreated his own very beautiful version. I loved making and colouring this mandala as a child also.

  The hexagon creations are beautiful, followed by a dodecagon.
   The fun side of mathematics for us!

Buckwheat pancakes

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We {read I} have been making regular batches of buckwheat pancakes. mm mmm

i’ve written about the origin of my recipe from lovely gluten free blog what baby{and boy} ate;  here…

and other pancakey berry adventures here…

for my non measure recipe; I use about 1 and a 1/2 cups of raw organic buckwheat and soak it in the blender overnight

in the morning add 2 eggs and some extra water and whizz it up smooth

cook in coconut oil

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I have better success if I heat the cast iron pan very well first and keep it well oiled. they take a little longer than wheat flour pancakes to cook. be patient, it’s worth it!!

Buckwheat is one of my favorite gluten free seeds for porridge {soak overnight with almonds, currants, quinoa and nuts, simmer about 15 minutes in the morning} and pancakes. I have done some sprouting of them but find the slimy tendency in this humid climate off putting!

a good protein source apparently and easily digestible for most tummies.

a nice buckwheat quote…

“The properties of buckwheat are: Neutral thermal nature; sweet flavor; cleans and strengthens the intestines and improves appetite..”  According to Paul Pitchford in Healing with Whole Foods (1993)

buckwheat pancakes

notice the jar of rapadura sugar? this has lately replaced the maple syrup bottle while stocks are out. it’s been a good experiment to see that Lily can now self moderate a teaspoon sprinkle of sugar on her pancakes. Yay! it has paid off, all that strict mama monitoring of sugar … now i can relax abit about it and know she knows i know she knows; how to self regulate sugar intake and feel good in her body! luckily Cedar copies her…

what do you do with buckwheat?

oh my!! berries are sooo delightful! i sure am looking forward to another summer in Tasmania….

 

This moment…

this moment

a fridayish ritual

one special photograph from my week

a simple sweet moment to cherish

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joining with soulemama and many others around the world

I have just visited soulemama’s site for the first time in a few months, and it is still inspiring to see all the knitting she fits into her days! i am going to cast on, well something, when i am finished up here!! i also really enjoyed the piece about cooking with her son. 

happy friday people

How To talk to your daughter about her body…

http://hopeave.wordpress.com/2013/07/29/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-her-body/
Inspiring words to share for all us parents aunties uncles grandees and friends at this link above which i read this morning. It has inspired this spontaneous stream of thought. enjoy.

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I sure can remember things people have said to me about my body or being

gangly, awkward, too thin, too tall, big bum, bony, unco-ordinated, shy, weird, daggy

most of the above is from other kids! who taught them to think this way about bodies? who criticized them? or who did they hear criticizing themself?

it’s these words which come into me at times of negative self reflection.

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i also aim to remember the beautiful observations

graceful, beautiful, healthy, strong, elegant, flexible, brave, calm, reflective, kind, generous

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it is such a habit to focus on the things i struggle with or think are my weaknesses

i’d like to move towards recognizing my skills and strengths, accomplishments and achievements and keep on working with the weaker aspects but not dwell on it so much. positive thinking. is it really so simple?

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also reflecting recently on how  we compliment Lily on how beautiful she’s looking.

i’d like to keep working on replacing this generality with specifics

great outfit, i like the color combo

you look strong when you are climbing

it looks like you are having so much fun with the dog right now

you look happy after you’ve been running around

you are adventurous

you look peaceful this morning, i guess you slept well

your hair is healthy and shiny

i see you so calm and self contained in your crafting, it’s lovely to watch

your body is growing so well and is healthy

i heard you speak so kindly and patiently to Cedar

when you climb so high on the rocks i think you are brave

you thought up a creative solution to that argument

etc etc

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dear daughter of mine

it is an honor to witness your adventurous soul explore the world. I see qualities such as kindness, creativity, patience, strength, courage, softness, grace and good hearted fun shining from you and I can only wonder what the future holds. This moment is quite beautiful with you and I cherish your presence dear Lily. Thankyou for the gifts of self reflection and joy you have given me. You came to me when I was so young and I have grown into the mama/lady/woman I be, on my journey shaped with your presence. Love you my precious darling. xx

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what do you have to say on this topic of woman’s/girls body talk?

Roselinde

ps say something friendly to yourself right now.

 

 

 

Cedar’s blanket

When I was pregnant with Cedar I moved far far away from my own family and friends (well mostly, i actually moved a little closer to some..)

At times i felt so lonely on my journey. disconnected from established support as i grew this great belly, endured immense ongoing nausea and began to put tender roots into my new community.

I drew comfort from the idea of a love blanket for this new baby.

I put out a letter to friends old and new, Australian family and distant relatives; to send me yarn in ocean shades and i would craft a blanket for my new babe. Weaving together the threads and thoughts of the beloved people in my life.

From all over Australia and Europe came little parcels, cotton, wool, indigo dyed hemp, silk, mohair, alpaca in all shades and textures. some with tales describing a special ocean moment of the sender for me to enjoy. some with memories of our relationship or good wishes for birth and baby.

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as i crocheted i would hold my thoughts on the sender of the yarn and reflect on our relationship and memories. i knotted the strength of love into this warm wrap for my little one soon coming. {by the way,  i was convinced baby was a little mermaid girl named Iona}

it was a beautiful way to feel connected with my extended network and bring the reality of this baby into my community.

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and now i wrap this gentle, nut brown, three years grown boy in these aquamarine, turqoise, royal blue, azure, teal, deep green, gold and tawny shades; i never fail to be reminded of how precious beloved friends and family are. no matter where i am or they are, the richness of our relationships has the warmth of my heart.

thankyou dear ones, i am thinking of you

do you recognise your yarn?

have you made something special for yours or others babies in utero?

xx

Roselinde

ps on a technical note, i began my first ‘proper’ granny square and kept on expanding from there. most yarns an 8 ply with a 6mm hook. as he grows beyond the bounds of this blanket i imagine i will extend it to single bed size as i did with Lily’s.

cedar baby blanket

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Bruny Island bliss

Bruny Island adventures

a long story with lots of photographs

It begins with

crankiness along the coast

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tired and tetchy

itchy and scratchy

we are at a frictious all time low {i think that every time we hit the downside of our cycle}

finally a camp at the neck campground and some play

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i remember to bring out the watercolour paints and pencils

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Jesse remembers to play music

(note the kids cubby next door)

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which i tried to help with by request and ended up being screamed at

tempers are frayed these days

but Lily finds meditation in making a bush home for Cedar’s leopard

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we look for penguins late into the night

and are just cold and disappointed

{take a red light torch and lots of warm clothes, a flask of hot tea and make everyone be silent or the penguins will wait until the noisy crowd gives up and not come to everyone else leaves! making their young wait hours while they wait in the water until it’s safe}

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adventure bay offers us a little respite simply by being beautiful and we split up and take a child each and some space

but things are stilted and we are not flowing together

even filling our water tank becomes an issue

i am reminded that despite external surroundings it is one’s inner state which dictates one’s happiness

and that when one is happy one doesn’t mind so much where one is!

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i start to pray

help us find a safe place to unfold

find a friend for Lily

find a supportive friend for Jesse

find me a hot shower and some nurturing

and then

like a mirage is Michael running down the road

ask and ye shall receive

oh thankyou!

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Michaels blue bush palace has evidence of his seabound joy everywhere

boats, diving gear, surfboards, fishing tackle, shells, paddles, wetsuits, seaweed…..

He and Jesse met nearly 15 years ago and he generously invites us to stay a night

{which becomes two}

he has an abundant garden including a hothouse for the cold season

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and thrives on this and seafood of all varieties

he collects and dries his own wild seaweed for added nutrition!

Michael shares his warm heart and uplifting life values so openly

we can’t help but ease open too.

Lily and his son Brody become instant mates and Cedar is happy playing with his tonka truck

or shovelling sand

I luxuriate in a long hot riverwater shower…

We are blown away to have abalone prepared for us {me first time! ahhhh yum}

though at first i can’t believe these yucky slimy mess are so coveted

the bounty of Michael and Flo’s {current French WWOOFer}  recent dive

prepared with Michaels incredible {unusual} experienced process

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{not what they do in restaurents}

we are soon feasting

Cedar decides to eat nothing else!

luxury tender surprising salty deliciousness!

i cant quite fathom we are eating about $300 worth of abalone!

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Jesse and I look at each other and wonder how we got here?

while the men are cooking I wander about photographing the property

it is all blue, light, timber trims, glass and mirrors

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a lush oasis on Bruny island

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and then morning and Michael shares his passion for surfing with us

his clear enthusiasm is infectious and transparent

we meet the only other family on the beach on holiday from Sydney and wishing they lived here

i am fascinated by his {holiday fellow} hollow wooden surfboard, a beautiful play thing

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Lily gets her first wave! she is helped up to standing and then pushed off to ride to shore again and again

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she is totally high

and freezing

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while the others are in the icy seaweedy water {swim anyone?}

i play ashore with Cedar

and engage myself with unknotting a 15m tangle of kelp I love this giant sea tree

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i slice some of the new growth to take home and dry

to add to soups

next is our beach drive tour of Cloudy bay

ending with a paradisical swim in the pristine turquoise calm side of the bay

the land is a stunning contrast of sea sky and forest

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it feels untouched and still enchanted here and i am deeply touched by the peace and bounty of this area

the children slide down a massive sand dune endlessly

Jesse and I swim and chase

while Michael catches up on some internet work

{and if y’all get over there quick you too can meet Michael at the awesome festival which he organizes!}

what a beautiful friend living an incredible lifestyle

I am so inspired by this man who is living his bliss

sharing his bliss

caring for and inspiring others

Thankyou for welcoming us in and encouraging the joy back into our hearts

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so a long story that started painfully, had a happy ending

and the finale was sailing the bus and eating a pile of fresh baguettes and cheese…

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sometimes i feel like the luckiest woman